Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
He kissed a someone with a penis
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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