I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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