Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
don't judge my taste in strippers
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
