yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
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