Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You need a sexual gate keeper
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
