one might say we're banned from that church
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize