Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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