Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
