I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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