Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
