quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Randomize
