It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
