My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just cropdusted the office
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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