You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
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