dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize