I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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