So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Randomize
