In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
