p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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