Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
