They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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