Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
