I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
