he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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