I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
