to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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