trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
they need to just BURY HIM!
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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