I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
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