you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I currently don't understand fingers.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
