He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
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