I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
