i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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