Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
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