I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Randomize
