i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
