I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
