My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
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