no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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