YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
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