Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
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