She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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