Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
