Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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