Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
