And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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