when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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