she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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