I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
