I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
