this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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