Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
