he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
