I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
