Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
