I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
