Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
