K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
