I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
