and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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