I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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