My room smells like vodka and shame
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
