ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
