last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
